Blunt

Monday, August 29, 2011,12:53 PM

Hyo Ju-ah,

I'm worried about you after hearing your situation... I wish there was something I can do for you. I know you're going through something difficult and no words can comfort you. The next best thing would be to be there for you but I can't even do that, I'm stuck here on the other side of the pound.

I just want you to know though that I am thinking about you my dear friend. I'm hoping for the best for you and that things get better swiftly.

I promise I'll see you during winter break, there is no other option. And once you get skype back you can tell me anything you want; something that's bothering you, if something exciting happened, anything. Okay?

Just keep trying.

Saturday, August 27, 2011,9:38 PM

The word 'Gay.'

One of the phrases I hate the most are; "That's so gay," or "You're so gay."

Those phrases bother me so much. The reason I'm bring this up is because my 16 year old cousin posted on facebook that "Hurricanes are gay." Honestly this isn't a big deal but it just bothers me to a level that I can't really put in to words that he uses the word "gay" to describe something he doesn't like.

I had to be a sarcastic older cousin and comment on the status saying; "Hurricanes are happy...?" Of course he replied with an unamused face such as -> -__- But I merely responded by saying choose your words carefully. I'm guess I'm just trying to get him to think, but who knows if he'll even take the hint.

I just hate how the word is used, if you couldn't tell all ready.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011,8:44 PM

Making Friends.

Sometimes I forget how hard it is to make friends.

Today I met up with two exchange students that are staying here in Tahlequah, OK. Masayo and Sho. They are both really nice, Masayo is a bit on the quiet side but very eager to talk when she has a topic and Sho is very out spoken and friendly. I felt so awkward with them though I tried my best to talk to them and act casual. But I always forget how much of a people pleasure I am. I had a great time talking with them and when it was time to say good bye I'm hit hard with thoughts of 'I wonder if they like me?' or 'Was I to awkward? Did I try my best to make them happy?'

Sho suggested meeting up one more time before I leave, and even asked me to come visit his home town when he returns. Masayo also said that we could try meeting up when she came back to Japan. But I wonder if they're trying to be polite.

This is a flaw that I wish I didn't have. The insecurity of someone not liking me when I want to be their friend. I... really dislike the feeling. It feels like I standing with no floor beneath me and in one step I'll just drop in to a dark abyss. I wish I had more confidence in myself, and I'm really trying but I think for the rest of my life I'm going to have this insecurity when I try making friends. It's a lot of hard work into keeping and sustaining a friendship, though, I have a few friends that I can proudly say that we just clicked so well and we are so close because of it.

I wonder if everyone feels this one... or at least a lot of people. All I can do is keep trying and try my best,

Wednesday, August 3, 2011,9:07 PM

The First Time

Last night was the first time a guy had ever stated simply that I looked pretty. Barlow, a co-worker, said it to me. He says it to all the female co-workers when he thinks they are looking nice so I know he was being honest. But it made me smile, it's nice to be noticed for once.